In Appreciation of What Was and What Can Be

As all years that are in our past, there are events and experiences that we wished hadn’t happened and those that we recall fondly.  This post is about those things we remember favorably about 2023 and those that we hope to recall joyfully, at the end of this year.

Last year’s favorable experiences:

Mine included finding a house and property, moving in, and making some renovations to suit my likes and interests.  

I made more time for being physically active which included hiking with Meetup groups as well as projects in and around my home.

I experienced the joy of following my granddaughter’s college application and decision making process and felt pride in how well my children are doing in spite of all of life’s challenges.

I spent more and more quality time with Teresa and am making progress on learning how to be a loving and accepting partner.

I enjoyed the company of new acquaintances and am realizing how important this social interaction is for me.  I love finally living in a neighborhood and enjoy the chance and purposeful interactions that fill my weeks.

There are more but these are the “big rocks” that fill my 2023 bowl of positive experiences.  Which ones stand out for you?

This year’s anticipated positives:

I’m already mind-gardening!  I plan to build a fenced in/raised bed vegetable garden this spring.  I’m thinking of starting with peppers, carrots, radishes, lettuce, beans, and chives.  As I look back on this at year’s end, I’ll find ways to make it even better.

Visiting Kylie in her first year in college and reflecting on her new friendships and interests.

I will have played more pickleball.  (I’m also considering taking some lessons to improve my game.)

I look forward to recounting the year with more experiences with my son and daughter-in-law and adding more Washington, DC attractions to my list of visits with them.

My first visit with Teresa to her son’s family in the Sierra Nevada mountains of northern California this spring will likely become an annual event.

I’m moving the process of planning and preparing meals up a notch on my weekly schedule.  Yum!

And you?

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”

Soren Kierkegaard

Gratitude

We wrote about worry in the last post, so elevating the positive memories of 2023 seems like a way to restore balance in the universe! 

I would love to report a series of firsts in looking back at 2023 – new experiences that bring a sense of accomplishment and joy: milestones which document growth. Boy, I’m hard pressed to identify any. Last year was a service year, mainly devoted to carrying out tasks which began as obligations, but ended with a deeper understanding of responsibility. 

The concept of service entails subordinating your own desires to attend to someone else’s needs and desires. Last year my focus was caring for a person at the end of his lifespan, supporting an organization in distress, and shoring up a challenging business. A better person than me would find obvious highlights in those activities, but I’m not yet that better person.

When I look at how folks find joy in the midst of the scuffle and “trudgery” (yes, that’s a made-up word) of everyday life, it seems that a common sentiment is a version of ‘It could have been worse, so be thankful’. I can sign up for that point of view: the old Khalil Gibran idea of deeper sadness hollowing a vessel to hold greater joy.

Alternately, I like the poem below from Nancy Carmody, which looks at each chore and turns it on its head: the silver lining playbook. She is on target — I am sincerely grateful for the ability to do the tasks I would prefer not to do. It is right to celebrate the fundamental joy of being alive, having choices, and simply ‘doing’. In that vein, I nominate these meaningful successes of 2023:

• Spending time with friends, remembering past shared experiences and creating some new ones
• Sitting next to my love on a couch laughing along with Kim’s Convenience
• Teaching my grandson to play chess and then watching him beat me 
• Hitting that great tennis backhand down the line – once
• Making an edition of pens from 300-year-old wood
• Updating the history of the local church

Those are highlights which I’ll cherish… and here’s what Nancy says:

I Am Thankful For — Nancy J Carmody (reposted from Gratitude – The Life Blog)

…..the mess to clean up after a party
because it means I have been surrounded by friends.

​…..the taxes that I pay
because it means that I’m employed.

…..the clothes that fit a little too snug
because it means I have enough to eat.

​…..my shadow who watches me work
because it means I am out in the sunshine.

​…..the spot I find at the far end of the parking lot
because it means I am capable of walking.

​…..all the complaining I hear about our Government
because it means we have freedom of speech.

​…..that lady behind me in church who sings offkey
​because it means that I can hear.

​…..lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning, and gutters that need fixing
because it means I have a home.

…..my huge heating bill
because it means that I am warm.

​…..weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day
because it means that I have been productive.

…..the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours
because it means that I am alive.

Moments to Remember

After reading Hen’s post my head was spinning. I was trying to remember an event or happening that was outstanding enough to raise my spirits or make me recall it fondly.  Daily life has its ups and downs certainly, and whether good or bad we learn from both kinds. Scratching my head, I tried to pull something up in this old brain of mine and I kept shooting blanks.  Is my glass really half empty?  That troubled me more than anything.  Was my joking about it all the time a self fulfilling prophesy? I closed my computer and walked away.  But it stayed in my mind all day and would pop up when I least expected.  Later that afternoon I stopped what I was doing and thought that a day, a year is made up of moments.  I was looking for the wrong thing.  I was looking for the spectacular instead of those little moments that bring a smile to my face when I remember them, or bring on a sense of pride or accomplishment, and the thoughts began to flow.

Just the day before I had such a moment while having blood work done at our local lab.  You have to sign in when you arrive.  They have little stations set up where you have to put your driver’s license on a tray so it can be photographed and then you have to follow a series of prompts til the end.  It only takes a few minutes to complete.  As I was heading to take a seat and begin my wait, a man stopped me and asked if .  I could help him sign in because he left his glasses at home and couldn’t read the prompts  No problem, I read the prompts to him and  told him where to put his license and insurance cards and walked through the whole procedure.  I didn’t think anything of it.  As I was heading back to the waiting area the man stopped me and thanked me for helping.  It really seemed like nothing to help him.  As I sat down, a woman who was sitting right next to where we signed him in, looked at me and smiled and  winked.  After my blood was harvested, the woman stopped me and said how nice it was of me to treat that man with such patience and respect and she said she didn’t think he could read at all.  That little moment lightened my heart.  It was something that I thought anyone would do for another person.  But for  whatever reason the whole day I felt good about having done it.  Now I was starting to see how I could measure my gratitude in little events instead of the fireworks and applause events that I had none of,

Realizing that things like that happen frequently and without fanfare, I began to collect my thoughts about this topic.  I remembered at Christmas time when my daughter, son and girlfriend were opening gifts and I had sort of stepped back and watched from afar, I remember smiling and watching as if I wasn’t even in the room , and remembered how heart warming it was just to watch the interaction among them.  My gratitude didn’t have to be for big events.  Small person to person connections were worthy of acknowledgment.

Earlier in November there was a neighbor who just moved in two houses away and she stopped me one day and invited me to a get together with other neighbors on the block.  I went to her house on the date of the gathering and to my surprise almost the whole block of people were there.  I had been living here for 8 years and hadn’t talked to several of them.  It was such a nice group of people and I met every one.  The conversation was about the neighborhood, the houses, jobs we used to have as most were retired and it made me feel at home and safe with these people.  Now people stop and talk while walking their dogs or putting out the garbage cans.  Just a nice feeling of camaraderie that was fostered at that one gathering by a total stranger who had just moved in.  A former student who I have been in touch with for about 45 years  sent me a newspaper article about her being appointed to Assistant Superintendent for Curriculum Development for the Kingston City School District.  Her note simply said she knew how I liked to keep track of my former students and follow their careers. MY heart filled with pride.  There were many of those moments- too many to keep track of, but reflecting on them, I felt a whole new sense of gratitude and whatever the opposite of malaise is!

Onto 2024 and the future!  I have no idea what that will bring but at least now I will be attempting to recognize those moments that lift me up.  And lifting up can mean, fun, pride, accomplishments, gratitude and a list of other emotions that I haven’t even thought of yet.  I hope this year will be good for all of us, will have high points  and low points from which we learn.  Mistakes that won’t be repeated, new friendships being made, old friendships revised, all intertwined with humor and love.  Fill up that glass, I’m in it for the long run!