Mercury Falling

I have been in a funk for the last couple of months. Call it winter blues, sundowners, or whatever, it started when daylight savings ended. I wanted to pull the covers over my head and hibernate. I’m not a napper – and yet Linda found me sitting up at the kitchen table, sleeping soundly at 5:30pm. Yikes. I don’t know about you, but it takes me another 30 minutes to get my bearings after waking up from one of those sessions.

Sting writes in Mercury Falling, about the “hounds of winter, they harry me down”. And that’s exactly how I’ve been feeling: under siege, no initiative. In fact, this is the first year ever that we did not put up a Christmas tree… just lacked the motivation.

What the heck causes this malaise? At first, I just wrote it off as diurnal adjustment to greater darkness, but then I remembered warm summer nights, cool and clear, with smells that carried on the breeze. I sure did not mind the darkness at that time of year.

Or perhaps it’s the cold. The northeast this year received an early taste of winter: a fair bit of snow and unseasonable temps. Yet, I have good memories of bright, sunny days cross country skiing and powdery snow. While winter is a bit more confining, outdoors is beautiful. I should take a page from Hen’s playbook and go outside more frequently – gather in those ‘outdoorphins’! Truthfully, I have as much activity as in summer, but it is all indoors: playing tennis and/or pickleball. It’s just that my activity level does decrease when the sun goes down.

Is it the evening news? Nah – the news is a downer all year long. Is it metabolism, tax season, holiday blues, aging? Maybe it is the barometer, after all. We’ve had a stormy season so far. Low pressure days just seem heavier. What’s your opinion?

In any case, enough is enough. I am taking initiative to socialize a bit more. However, most of that activity takes place in daylight – I still have to rouse myself to go out at night for dinner or visiting. The NY Times suggested that when things seem oppressive: ‘move your horizons in’. Focus on closer goals, smaller tasks; practice self-forgiveness. This is the season of Hygge, right? Settle in, get cozy and don’t make unreasonable demands on yourself.

So, I have decided to focus on the “smalls” and close-contact activity: playing chess with grandson Chris (who kicks my butt – but it feels good to lose to your grandson); thrifting for electronic gear with grandson Alex (he was thrilled to find a Tandberg-Huldra radio and tuner – and I found old music cd’s which included a diverse mix of Boss Nova, Gregorian chants, Big Band, and Nat King Cole); and sharing Linda’s finds as she goes through old photographs. We both have been enjoying watching our amaryllis bloom over the past week. It is a pleasure to have beauty so close to hand. All of this has tended to elevate my mood.

However, the call of the bed still lingers and we’re rarely up past 10pm. I suppose that isn’t a bad thing. In fact, I asked my AI assistant which mammals seem to need the most sleep – and there I was, right after the platypus and sloth! Can’t fight nature…

Now, you’ll read further to see Hen and George’s ideas. In fact, Geo’s piece was so bleak that Hen and I were really concerned; we reached out to him to see how we could help. George responded with an addendum and said that we shouldn’t worry – everything turned around because he is exploring a new relationship. That is certainly a way to cure the blues! So — What do YOU do to tame the hounds of winter?

Seasonal Adaptations

It’s not often that I hear Wal talk about being dispirited, gloomy, or despondent, so I take notice whenever he spends any time with those feelings—which is hardly ever. But for him to write about them takes it a step further in significance. After analyzing the possible contributors to his winter blues, he offers some thoughts on what might remedy—or at least reduce—them. Fortunately, it appears he’s finding some solace in his targeted actions. And, predictably, Wal asks what we think and what we do “to tame the hounds of winter.”

Here are some random thoughts about Wal’s topic:

Does this mean we all suffer some form of negative impact from the fundamentals of the winter season?

“Wintering” is a phrase used to describe “a period of retreat, restoration, and slowing down to survive an ‘inhospitable’ season.” But what if I react more negatively to heat and humidity—and to days that last until 9:00 p.m. when I like to go to bed? Perhaps this is more personal and situational than a universal syndrome.

Recently, I’ve become a snowbird—staying through late fall in Delaware and shifting south to North/Central Florida until early spring. As a result, my reactions to this discussion are shaped by not having to endure most of the typical winter issues faced by Wal and George, but they’re also influenced by memories of winter living for 74 years. (Actually, I just booked a flight back to Delaware a week early so that I can be there for Winter Storm Fern and once more enjoy some time in the snow with my grandkids and friends!)

I’ve always loved the change of seasons and tried to embrace each one. I look forward to gardening and the rebirth of spring; more gardening, barbecues, swimming, and outdoor activities in summer; cool, crisp hikes on beautiful fall days; and the many times we gathered to go sledding, ice skating, or sit around our fire pit with hot cocoa and s’mores. Of course, not every day of each season is all fun, and each brings its own set of challenges. Wal mentions those of winter. Spring can be wet, muddy, and cold at times. Summer heat and humidity often limit my outdoor activities to the point that I sometimes long for fall—despite the shorter days and loss of greenery.

Enough musings. Here are my feelings about the winter blahs. They don’t impact me as much as they do some others. I enjoy being outdoors in the cold as long as the windchill isn’t in the single digits or below. I use the shorter days to rest more and to focus on indoor chores and activities I put off during other months. I read more, watch more TV, and lately spend more time on photography and writing.

That said, I like Wal’s ideas of socializing more, being easier on myself, and setting shorter goals. They do seem to provide an uplift—even if I’m not particularly down. And I’ve recently reactivated my iPhone Academy photography course and am enjoying spending time learning and practicing picture-taking. (Below is my response to my first assignment, which focused on shooting a photo with focus in mind.)

“So, you see, while some perceive winter as a festive time when their worlds are blanketed by the purity of snow, others feel they are being suffocated by a literally colorless existence.”
—Jessica Blaszczak, 10 Things You Didn’t Know About Seasonal Affective Disorder

Year-Round Blues

Fall has always been my favorite season. I love the colors of the flowers in Spring and Summer but Fall means new beginnings for me. For 68 years it meant the start of school and new beginnings, new people and a kind of loving warmth I never felt in the warmer months. There is something about the crispness of the days, the cool nights spent in front of a nice fire in the fireplace. The crackling of the burning wood, the rustling of drying out leaves on the trees in a slight wind were sounds I welcome and enjoy. It was always special to me! When I was younger I also enjoyed the snow of the winter, snowball fights, snow men and snow angels, and of course the promise of snow days not only as a kid in NYC but as a teacher in Ulster County. Snow days were God’s gift to overworked teachers and we were as excited as the kids were when they were called. Back then the winter was exciting, it didn’t present the challenges that it does today to an aging body. Shovelling snow is drudgery today for the 80 year old. I say this as I just came in from shoveling my walks and driveway for the third time in two days. But that isn’t what has me down. Wal suffers from the winter blahs and I understand that. The shorter days, being locked inside for most of the months, difficulty travelling or even walking around outside is intensified with a layer of snow over the possibility of hidden slick ice making the season difficult to navigate through. And that can certainly limit enthusiasm and activity to help lift our spirits.

Unfortunately, for me, it isn’t the season that led to my malaise. My retirement from both of me careers- one of 35 years teaching and the other of 15 years of innkeeping, came at a time when my relationship was collapsing. So at a critical time in my life I was without a purpose and alone. Two very difficult conditions to deal with individually but worse when combined. At first, the change of seasons was unnoticeable. The lack of having purpose was very pronounced. I didn’t know what to do with myself, how to occupy my days or how to participate in things that I used to enjoyed doing anymore. The loneliness became almost unbearable. The things I used to enjoy didn’t excite me because I enjoyed them because I did them with other people. Living alone for the first time in my life was new to me and I didn’t quite know how to do it. Purpose is important to a fulfilling life without depression. As time went by I began to realize I wasn’t enjoying things like I used to. When you do fun things or when cool things happen to you the first thing you want to do is to share it with significant others. I realized I had no one to share those times with so those events didn’t take on the significance they normally would have. It wasn’t just the difficult times we go through in life that weights us down alone but the good things don’t feel the joy that they used to for me. I wake up sometimes in the middle of the night with an unexpected ache or pain and I normally would wake my partner and tell them what I was feeling and I would be reassured that it was probably nothing and we would deal with it in the morning, easing my concern. Now those imaginary horrible ailments fester cause there is no one around to quell the scary thoughts that our minds imagine.

So for the most part, I have the feelings that Wally is experiencing mostly all year long. I have an incredible dog who tries to comfort me with a tongue licking and it helps but can’t soothe away my concern with gentle words, though his cuddling next to me helps and he can always tell when I am struggling! I do look forward to the approaching Spring, though it isn’t approaching quickly enough. Then I can plant in the gardens, enjoy the colors and the smell of the earth, and the warmth that the season brings. Along with the colors I pray it will bring remedies to the malaise I feel all year long with the hope of new friends and relationships, and a sense of purpose to a life that has been struggling without both for too long.
Wal is lucky! He will get relief when the days lengthen and the seasons change, and his daily activities return to normal. I look forward to perhaps finding the things I am lacking and hope springs eternal!

This is a post script to my response to Wal’s Winter Blues. When I wrote my response to Wal’s piece I had just met a person and had no idea how or if our friendship would progress. Well, I am here to tell you that I believe my eternal malaise will be lifting shortly. Not just shortly but it has already begun to lift. The person I recently met has lifted my spirits immeasurably! We share a great deal in common. Our view of the world is in synch, we laugh at the same things and worry over the same issues our country is facing. We both love animals, even our issues are similar. I suddenly have someone I can call in the middle of the night if needed and he can do the same. I feel free of the worry and concern I have lived with constantly since retirement. I don’t feel alone anymore! The physical weight of living alone has been shed and I see a much brighter future ahead. Time will tell, but at least now there is the promise of a happier future, the sadness and worry has been lifted and maybe Wal and I can both celebrate with the approach of spring and say goodbye to the Winter blues!

Featured

The Year with No Winter

Even as a kid I looked forward to the change of the seasons. Each one offered a variety of activities, options, colors, smells, and even different toys. With Christmas being over, Winter provided me with my friends and I taking our American Flyer sleds up the block to the Rabbi’s house because it had a raised driveway, and with a lookout posted at the bottom we could safely sled down and out into the street with out danger. Our gloves were encrusted with pieces of frozen snow clinging to the knitted mittens we wore. After a couple hours of sleigh riding my hands would be frozen and stinging as were my galloshed covered feet. Time to go home, stomp the snow off our feet, clap the frozen nuggets off our gloves and head inside straight for the old wrought iron radiators most houses heated with. I can still feel the sting on my fingers as they slowly began to warm up and the stinging sensation as your finger tips heated. Tomorrow we would throw our ice skates over our shoulders and head down to the kitty pool in the park on the next block for a day of skating around in a circle for a couple of hours and then returning home to face the same rituals as the day before. Life was cold but fun! Gradually as the earth warmed up and the sun got stronger we would put our sleds, galloshes and ice skates in storage and with the approach of Spring, a new set of paraphernalia was gathering by the door. Out came our metal skates and skate keys, baseball gloves and bats, soon our bikes would be getting ready for long rides. There were ab out 20 kids on our block so there was always somebody to play with. Once again in our strapped on roller skates we would gather at the Rabbis house so we could glide down the driveway and into the street without worry. Those days were pretty worry free. The biggest decisions we had to make were skates, bikes or just street games.

The days were warming up and we were outside from the time we got home from school til the street lights came on. The trees popped, flowers filled the air with the scent of lilacs, tulips and daffodils decorated the houses and gradually the days warmed, A new excitement was ahead as the last days of school before summer vacation were slowly being eaten away.. Summer brought on a whole new range of possibilities for us kids. We could stay out later cause it stayed light longer, Tag, freeze tag, Hide and Seek, I Declare War were games that most of the kids on the block could take part in. And that was interrupted by families going away for a week or two. Instead of coming in and huddling around the radiator we sat in front of the fan. Drank ice cold lemonade to cool the body down. During this time of year everything was green and a little sticky, and just as quickly as it came, it was ebbing and the days of freedom were coming to an end.
Subtle changes were starting to take place…. the grass wasn’t growing as quickly and had a little yellow tinge to it. The nights were cooling down and it was getting dark earlier. But it was exciting because the colors were changing. The maples in my yard turned bright red making them look like the tree was on fire.
Up and down the block the various tress had turned yellow, orange and red, there was a new fragrance in the air. You could smell wood burning in people’s fireplaces. It was an exciting time. Spring and Summer always seemed peaceful and calm to me but Autumn and Winter were exciting. Halloween costumes pumpkins, hot chocolate were seen in most homes. Sweaters, and light jackets at first were put on over our xhort sleeve shirts and soon to be replaced by heavier coats. Excitement was in the air. Holidays and families and FOOD were the focus. The first snow fall created a fairyland. Catching snowflakes on our tongues and that first snowball fight and snowman were expected with great expectations. The five and dimes were decorate for Christmas. I was so excited because my brother and I would go to Woolworths to see what the new Lionel train equipment was to get ready for our Christmas layout on a platform that took up half of our living room floor. Everybody seemed in a good mood….Twas the season!

Of course as the years passed and we became teenagers, the equipment of the seasons changed. We still went sleigh riding and ice skating but we picked up snow shovels to earn a little extra cash up and down the block shoveling for the seniors who lived there. Ice scrapers for the windshields. Time was picking up the pace and young adulthood was approaching fast. But the Springs still smelled of lilacs and the deep green leaves of summer still presented themselves. Instead of snow shovels now we had lawn mowers and rakes to earn some extra cash and to help the neighbors who couldn’t do it themselves. But there was always the anticipation that after Spring, Summer would arrive, followed by Autumn (which has always been my favorite season). you could count on it! These things were expected, the normal evolution of the years. It was comforting to know that one season followed the other and allowed me to grow up with a sense of order, safety and the normal revolving of the Earth.

So what happened? This year Spring and Summer came and went. The Autumn started just like all the others but this year it just kind of held on, and not the pretty part. The colors of early fall faded and as the leaves dropped off the trees. The cold breezes began to blow and rain showers replaced early snowfalls. There was no pure white snow to decorate the land. Even a homemade crumb cake looks better with powdered sugar sprinkled on the top. You know those tasty grayish brown crumbs are underneath the beautiful, powdered sugar! But this year Mother Nature didn’t sprinkle her powdered sugar on the crumb cake we know as Earth. The land, deserted by the beautiful colored leaves, looked gray and worn. The temperatures dropped to uncomfortable, and we were pelted with one nasty rainy day after another all winter long. It was like Fall refused to leave and Winter didn’t seem to care. The beautiful winter days of watching the snow fall and covering the earth and everything on it painted such a beautiful landscape, but not this year. Now I am not sure if I can count on anything anymore. Is Mother Nature angry at us??? Food for thought!

Redefining Winter

Despite not being a winter person, George laments the loss of crisp, white, snowy winters as we knew them. I appreciate his joy and anticipation of the demarcation of the seasons and especially winter as it transforms the graying leafless vistas left at the end of fall to a sharp black and white wonderland of fresh, soft, snow covered landscapes. He missed that this year and so did I.

Mine, I’m sorry to say, is even more certain than climate warming portents. I moved some 200 miles south to where George’s description of this year’s winter in the Northeast is historically what winter is without a warming planet. To make matters worse, I spent a chunk of my winter in Florida! Yes, I miss winter for many of the reasons George so skillfully described but I also love winter. I prefer to immerse myself in it, often and with a full heart.

My children and grandchildren know how much I like to play. As a child, winter, provided many opportunities for me to engage in sledding, skating, and snowball throwing. As an older “kid” (defined as from my teens through my seventies) I added, skiing, igloo building, snow hiking, and sitting around outdoor campfires. For many years, I hosted “Winterfest” where friends, family, and colleagues were invited to come play in the snow for a day. I hold those many wonderful memories close. My daughter called me this winter while I was in Florida to describe the substantial snowstorm they had received. Knowing how much I was missing it, she remarked that if I continue my new trend of spending winters with Teresa in Florida, I will likely never see snow again. Somehow, I had never taken the time to add that consequence to my newly written equation and it hit me hard. Ugh! Is this part of my life that brought me so much joy and energy and feeling of being a real kid again, over? Perhaps, but with every loss there is always something that moves in to fill the void. I look forward to the new adventures that lie in wait for me next winter.

Go North!

I loved reading both George’s and Hen’s homage to wintertime! Geo’s descriptive reminders of childhood winter activities brough back a lot of memories. Although, truth be told, most of my cold weather sports were played indoors – snow and chill were simply background features. Oh, my goodness, ice-skating was the last thing I hankered to do – and I did not strap on skis until my wife challenged me to the slopes.

Now I’ve been to one of Hen’s Winterfests and he is clearly the Snow King! He reveled in the delight of towing kids up the hill to an excellent sledding point. Fire crackling in the outdoor firepit and friends enjoying each other’s company contributed to the celebration of the frozen season.

Now, as George pointed out, this winter barely visited us in the Hudson Valley. It was the warmest winter on record, according to the weather-prophets. Snow did not last – and neither did the sunshine. So, I have a cure: go North!

The Adirondacks also had an El Nino winter, but there was heavy snow on the occasions it came knocking. And the north country people know how to enjoy their cold weather! We have been to Saranac to visit the vast ice castle that is constructed each year. The ice is cut into locks from the frozen Lake Flower and built with care over a couple of weeks. A king and queen are coronated; Gary Trudeau of Doonesbury fame designs posters, and colored lights show off the ice – it is a pageant!

The Town of Inlet hosts the cardboard sled competition for kids. These are not just cardboard boxes – they are cleverly built tanks, race cars, school buses, and fire trucks roaring down the steep hill – there was even a ‘Batman Saves Inlet’ entry. Prizes are awarded for fastest, best crash, and most original sled. The creativity is worth the visit, as is the joy on the faces of both winners and losers. However, the most curious race is the annual outhouse race on Fourth Lake as part of the Frozen Fire and Lights Festival. Contestants build an outhouse on runners; one participant sits in the outhouse, while two teammates push the outdoor toilet across the ice to the finish line. This year the winner was ‘Holy Crap, Batman’, followed by the all-woman team of the ‘Flapper Crapper’.

My favorite, though, is the annual St. Patrick’s Day parade in Old Forge, NY. This community will seize any opportunity for a parade! The entire town comes out to cheer on the choreographed snowplow trucks; the shopping cart flotilla; the Irish Setter club (any dog with a green sweater), and numerous floats. Fun is in the air, whether the winter is fully or partially revealed.

Even if Mother Nature is playing coy, winter fun is in your attitude.

Winter Magic: Charles Messina (from poetrysoup.com)

An adrenalin rush, rocked my head 
When I saw a child- on her sled 
It made me think; should I go slide 
I'm eight-two...So, before I died 
Just one more time, before I'm dead 
Or before I'm ridden...in my bed 
What could happen, something tragic?
I'm eighty-two, can you call that tragic? 
So here I go, down the hill ....Wheeee!! 
Oh my God- ((Tragic)) ...."Peeee"