Growing old in our culture has often been associated with pain, suffering, and even humiliation. At best, we learn to manage the pain and, rather than face outright dismissal, we are tolerated—granted a certain leniency for moving and thinking more slowly, for our moments of forgetfulness.

Modern medicine and research have given us the ability to live longer—sometimes a full generation longer than our ancestors. But a longer lifespan isn’t necessarily better if our health is poor. Increasingly, attention has shifted toward health span: living a longer life in relatively good health.

Yet even good health and longevity don’t mean much if you don’t like your life as an older person. Thanks to my friend and 3oldguys.com subscriber, Leo, I was introduced to a crucial concept for addressing this challenge. It’s called Joyspan. Author Dr. Kerry Burnight coined this term to describe the missing ingredient in creating and maintaining a sense of joy later in life. Leo came across Joyspan in a New York Times article by journalist Jancee Dunn, who explored how to cultivate this enduring sense of well-being.

According to Dr. Burnight, “Joyspan is the experience of well-being and satisfaction in longevity.” She is quick to note that joy is not the same as happiness. Happiness tends to be a roller coaster—bursts of pleasure followed by inevitable dips until the next high comes along. Joy, on the other hand, is steadier and more deeply rooted. It’s embedded in our state of being. Cultivating Joyspan, therefore, is less about chasing happiness and more about nurturing contentment and satisfaction in daily life.

I recently listened to a newscast about the “happiest” country in the world—Finland. One of the interviewees, a philosopher and professor whose name escapes me, suggested that what makes Finns so “happy” is not euphoria but rather a deep sense of contentment and cultural comfort. It immediately reminded me of Joyspan.

In Dunn’s article, “Is Joyspan the Key to Aging Well?” she lists practical, nonnegotiable choices we can make daily to enhance our quality of life—no matter our age or health:

• Grow – Stay curious and open to learning.
  
• Adapt – Instead of mourning what we once could do, adjust to what we can do now.
  
• Give – Use your skills, strengths, or interests to help others, no matter how small the act.
  
• Connect – Maintain social connections; they are vital to physical and mental well-being.
  

The article goes further, offering ways to make these practices manageable through simple, meaningful actions. I might add that we “old guys” wrote about one of these choices—adaptation—in our June 30, 2024 post, “Life in the Slow Lane,” from which I’ll borrow a closing quote.

Naturally, each of us will respond to the concept of Joyspan differently. Some may see it as a repackaging of familiar wisdom. Others, like Leo, will want to expand on it—he suggests adding a fifth step: clean eating and regular exercise.

For me, the value lies in realizing that our relentless pursuit of constant happiness may actually undermine the very peace we seek. Perhaps the real magic is found in acceptance, contentment, and satisfaction—with who we are and how we choose to live.

“It’s not a question of how old you are, but how you are old.

-Jules Renard

The Joy of Small Things

I think joyspan is a useful concept, even though it drags along a bit of pop psychology in its wake. Young or old, living a joyful life is a goal we strive to achieve. Just check out the number of books with Joy in the title: Little Book of Joy, The Book of Joy (many variants with same title), Joy of Cooking, Joy of Sex, The Joys of Compounding, Joy of Movement, Finding Joy, Choose Joy, I Choose Joy,  The Joy of Living, The Call to Joy, The Living Waters of Joy, Unwrapping the Presence of Joy, and so on. There is even a website regaling the “joy of Satan”! Yikes!

So, joy is where you find it, I guess and maybe that’s the point: you have to be open to the possibility of joy.  We seniors have taken years to find our groove and there is a temptation is to narrow the choices we make. It is easy to lose that suppleness of mind and spirit we had as youngsters. 

After we three old guys discussed the concept of joyspan a bit more, I think the consensus was that one must cultivate a practice of openness and willingness to adapt. That is what allows a person to get the largest measure of joy out of daily life. Joyspan provides a reminder to embrace your daily path. Hen would also suggest acceptance and contentment – I would add ‘engagement’ to the mix. 

There also seems to be an effort to distinguish joy from happiness. Joy is long lasting, happiness is short-lived; joy is internal, happiness is external.  I appreciate Talmudic scholarship, but I’m not sure it is worth it to tease these concepts apart. Perhaps joy is celebrating lots of little happinesses?

Yet, I’m a dour sort. I don’t believe that we were put on earth simply to be happy – at least not all the time. Point in fact, I have not seen any book title called The Joy of Colonoscopy. Most of the time I just find myself stumbling into joy. Most of the time, it is a simple event.

One such recent experience involved a sandwich. All summer I had been thinking about a nice BLT, without the B & L. Yes, a simple tomato sandwich. I love tomatoes and the smell of tomato leaves in the garden.  Finally, we lined up all the ingredients: a solid beefsteak tomato, mayonnaise, pepper, and toasted Heidelberg rye. It was glorious! I felt like I had summer and sunlight in my mouth. What a rush of endorphins. This sandwich turned my routine day into one of limitless opportunity and optimism — but why? It seemed like an outsized reaction to such a small thing. In passing I wondered why I felt so joyful, but my custom is not to overthink good times. Experiencing joy is a gift. The key is to recognize those gifts. 

What small things bring you joy?

Glass Half Full/Glass Half Empty

Joy Span is a concept I never thought about before until Hen brought it up as a topic.  There are things that make me happy all the time, laughter is a cure for a lot of what ails us.  But now thinking about it, and reading Wally’s essay, I realize that Happiness is temporal.  It makes you feel good while something is happening, but dissipates as the experience passes.  Joy hangs around forever and may not cause laughter but rather a warmth that radiates through your entire body.  And along with that feeling throughout your body, it can bring a warm smile to your face, probably without teeth showing.  Reflection often occurs with it because more often than not, the feeling of joy brings back memories of times before when you experienced the same feelings.  Never having put much thought into it before, this brought me to the point where I had to reflect on what kinds of things do I have in my Joy Span.  I suspect that my life experiences mixed up the two feelings and never consciously separated joy from happiness.  Both made me feel good and what I believed to be happiness.

Now after thinking about this concept, I realized that Joy comes into our lives in many different forms.  It can sneak in quietly from external sources. Something happening around you, in your neighborhood or within your own family that may not have caused any kind of reaction while it happened but upon reflection made a sense of wellbeing in you hours later.  It might not have been funny at all.  Pride can be a source of Joy!  Something you have accomplished in your life that you are proud of can be the source.  For me I think this is the kind of Joy I have experienced.  My career teaching little kids is a great source of pride for me and the joy comes years later when I meet up with a former student and we share a lunch and talk about their lives as adults.  I am often in awe of what these “kids” have achieved and occasionally they even attribute part of their success to my having been their teacher.  That brings surges of Joy up in me. I have one former student who came to my room at a difficult time in her life when her parents were divorcing and she was struggling visibly.  Twenty years later we met for lunch and we talked about what her life is like now.  She became a teacher, then an administrator, went on to get her doctorate in education which isn’t unusual but took a great deal of perseverance on her part, and as if that weren’t enough she went on to get her hot air balloon pilot’s license.  That brought Joy to my life and still does just thinking about how she changed from that scared little 4th grader to this adventurous, intelligent professional woman who gives me credit for having had a positive influence in her life.  Just off the top of my head I can think of other sources of Joy, aside from my kids, there are my pets.  All my life I have had pets, always dogs and cats, often fish and birds as well.  Mostly my dogs have afforded me the Joy that only animals can bring to a person.  They love you in a way nothing else can, and mine have given me Joy my entire life.  As I am writing this I am realizing that I have had Joy Span for a long period of time and realize how fortunate I have been in my life.  

Now, not to disappoint my fellow bloggers, and to maintain my image of glass half empty, during this period of revelation, it made me wonder if one can experience Joy without experiencing sadness or hardship.  Without these things how would we be able to tell what Joy is? In my life I certainly experienced hard times, things I was ashamed of, struggling with who i was and pretending to be someone I wasn’t.  Those were shameful times.  Shame is another one of those anti Joy words.  Loneliness belongs in that group as well and so does anger.  I can get angry at myself very easily, for saying something or for not saying something that needed to be said or never should have been said!.  It is the comparison between Joy and Sadness that allows the Joy to stand out and last over the years.  Sadness eases over time and stays with you but you don’t have to let it out of its cage it you don’t want it.  Joy has a way of seeping out when you least expect it and allows you to sit back, feel the warmth, and let that toothless smile form on your face.

Now here is the dilemma I face.  The future!  Currently, I am experiencing a period of serious loneliness. I have never lived alone before, and it is too bad it happened when my mind and body are less resilient than in the past. Some nights around 3AM I wake up and I go into my living room and stand in front of my big bow window and look out over the world and wonder what the neighbors feel when they waken during the night.  It is troubling for me, luckily my dog is by my side as he always is and I can confide in him.  But since we discussed this topic during our weekly meetings, I have noticed a few things or perhaps remembered a few things.  One afternoon I was sitting in my living room, having a nice glass of Malbec. My living room has windows on 2 sides and the dining room which is open to the living room has windows on the two other sides and the light streaming in through those windows and my big bow window to the world brought in the most incredible natural light I have ever seen.  Between feeling the warmth of the sun on my back and the visual light show which brought many of my paintings to life I experienced that warm feeling throughout my body, I leaned back into the couch and felt that toothless smile come over my face and damn if that wasn’t Joy I don’t know what is.  And i can always go back and draw that moment up in my mind whenever I want.  And i realized there are many more examples as simple or as complex as that moment for me to draw from.  I am hoping now with this reference point that however long my body holds out I will live it out in Joy Span

I’m not against technology! Most of my friends would disagree with that statement.  I remember when our living room TV had a pair of rabbit ears on the top.  It was magical, but all it did was allow us to catch magical vibrations going through the air and winding up as moving pictures on a screen in your house.  We didn’t have remotes back then so dad would say move the right ear to the left just a little  oh and while you are up get me another beer.  That technology didn’t bother me at all.  It was directed toward something i understood and had a modicum of control over.  And then TV antennas on the roof came about and we had little control over that nor did we need it.  There was a phone usually on the kitchen wall and one on a table in the living room.  The only technology knowledge we needed was fitting your pointer finger into a round hole and moving the dial around to where it couldn’t go any further.  And after you did that 7 times, magically a voice would speak to you. Easy, no sweat!  Technology was easy back then, helpful and manageable.  After that cable came in. I didn’t understand how it worked but it was manageable and uncomplicated to handle.  I should have suspected that that was the beginning of the mercilous onslaught of never ending “things” meant  
to make life easier.  My brother got a reel to reel tape recorder so he could record songs and sing into it himself, transistor radios became popular and we carried them all over with us to listen to Cousin Brucie in NYC and 1010 wins NY.  These were all good things, fun things, making life easier and more pleasant.  These things didn’t turn around and bite you when you weren’t looking!  I didn’t even mention the portable typewriter!   We had to learn to type without looking at the keyboard.

But then, all of a sudden, as if in a foreign war, we started getting bombarded with all kinds of stuff that we had to be taught how to use.  Cell phones.  Great- we can call people from wherever we are day or night- that’s cool.  Before you could only pace around in a small space while chatting.  Maybe if the chord was long enough you could take the kitchen receiver into the living room and sit down to talk but more often the chord wasn’t quite long enough and we wound up sitting on the arm of some wiggly wooden arm of gramma’s old desk chair.  But that was the most harm it could do.  Then cell phones morphed into little computers and suddenly we had to have passwords to make a call  and you had to remember the password.  Computers were becoming popular too and people started getting them for their homes.  More stuff to learn, and more passwords to remember.  God forbid you used the same password on two different “devices,” because that was a definite no no!  Our modes of transportation were picking up more slowly on technology but even cars were developing.  All the things growing up that we felt entirely comfortable with were now changing.  TV’s, radios, phones, computers, machines in stores like cash registers, soda and candy machines it was overwhelming for me.  I don’t have a technological bone in my body so my mind doesn’t adjust well to this stuff.  And I could go on talking about other changes that were  occurring and forcing us to deal with but what i really want to chat about is the danger in these things.

Years ago, the new machines were helpful and basically non-punitive but today that has all changed.  I try to use the technology like when I buy things online but even then I get punished. I bought a beautiful watch I saw online, not that I need one because my phone tells me the time, so does my computer, but I wanted this watch.  I ordered it and it came in 2 days.  I love it!, but then the next day  another one came, exactly the same and so did my charge bill with 2 charges from the same company for two other things i didn’t order.  I called my credit card company and told them and they said it would be best if i worked it out with the company.  The punishment is just beginning. I called and explained but there was an extended waiting time of over 30 minutes.   Anyway, the story goes on and I think I have resolved the issue after several days of punishment dealing with the credit card people and the watch company.  Fine, then another charge card comes in with two charges from Macon, Georgia totaling $340.  Different credit card company but a little easier to deal with.  Then my daughter calls and I tell her what happened and I get the lecture about not giving out any numbers over the phone because thieves  steal them and use them wherever.  So what the hell is so important about  passwords.  I am watching tv and I hear that there are people who go around now stealing the deed to your home by finding out your basic information about your finances, your bank and then get a copy of your deed and mortgage and you don’t own the house anymore. You don’t even know it until you get humungus bills to pay off on your equity.  This morning before I left the house to grocery shop I received 14 different phone calls on my land line all from my old area code.  I decided I would call them all back and annoy them.  Each number I called brought the same answering machine explaining they could offer me better car insurance rates than the company I have now.  How do they know who my insurance company is?  Or that I want to lower my premium.  I also got 3 calls from police organizations wanting me to donate to help protect their members which I have been advised by my son is a real scam!

 Anyhow- —enough.  Technology is eventually going to win and cheat us all out of something.  I just don’t understand how to maneuver my way around the modern technology and why should I have to?  Where are all these smart inventors who came up with this technology and why can’t they figure out a way to make it safe to work on without the fear or losing your house, your inheritance, your first born.  Too bad all these creative crooks out there don’t put their creativity into doing good for the world!

There Are Help Desks

At the heart of George’s post is a plea against invasive technology that has the ability to cause harm. I’d guess we all agree that scams are on the rise. In fact, The NY Times called out a hacker group that advertises disruptive cyberattacks for pay: you can buy a ‘school shutdown’ attack for fifty bucks!

The truth is, technology is about potency. Its force multiplier for productivity and entertainment is evident, just as is the potential for exploitation. It seems to me that George’s complaint is about the balance of power – whether that membrane between the private and the shared has gotten too permeable. Technology that was once just ‘one-way’ has become interactive. Even our phones are listening.

Yet, many of us post our private life on social media without a thought of how it can “bite you”. We post our thoughts, pictures, and information for the world to see. We use GPS systems to find destinations while traveling, but overlook the capability of those systems for tracking our own whereabouts.

I believe we engage in voluntary submission of private data, because we still believe in good will. The root cause of George’s concern is the abrogation of good will; the willingness of people to do harm for personal gain. Sure, that has always been a human failing, but now we have provided better weapons  — weapons that seem magical or mysterious. And what we don’t comprehend, we fear. Unfortunately, the fear of new-fangled technology can isolate us as we age. 

It’s foolish to believe that the world has never been a dangerous place. And it’s ineffective to decry technology, simply because it has potency. You don’t use a sharp tool without understanding methods for safe use. And perhaps that sharp tool allows you to achieve wonderful results.

Meeting the Technology Challenge

Whatever topic George creates is certain to be imbued with vivd, often humorous, homespun stories from his personal life and, in that regard, this post does not disappoint.  George begins by painting a picture of technology form the old days when it felt simple, easily understood, and non threatening.  As we read on we catch the drift of his message as technology for him advances from helpful to more complicated to harmful.  Indeed, I understand his point and agree that there are times, for me, when present technology is frustrating, difficult to grasp in its expansiveness, and brings a  high degree of caution to my everyday usage.  But I don’t draw the same conclusion about technology as does my colleague.

I feel my life is vastly enhanced and well worth the challenges it poses.  Early this spring we wrote about the impact of technology on senior citizens in response to one of our readers’ querys.  In my piece I focused on the many ways I use modern and present day advances to my benefit. But I often spend more time on the positive and give less attention to the challenges in my life.  Good or bad, I recognize that not all people see the world as I do and perhaps I can spend more of my time to address these issues without feeling like I’ve sunk below the median level of water in the glass half full/half empty idiom.

To George’s point, it certainly feels like life was a lot easier and simpler when we were young. There are several reasons I believe that is true:

1. Whatever technology we grew up with was practiced by us, influenced by our peers, and at a time when we were full of energy and curiosity.
2. Advancements in technology occurred more slowly over a longer period of time allowing us to adapt more comfortably and in an as yet limited information age.
3. It helped separate us from our parents and elders as they were less likely to use new technology or see it as “necessary.”(Uh oh!  Have you become your parents?)
4. We felt more or less invulnerable and thus didn’t see the hidden dangers in changes or fear them.

George states: “Years ago the new machines were helpful and basically non-punitive but today that has all changed.”  Yeah, it can certainly feel that way as electronics become basic to our way of life and lack of knowledge about how to use them can push us away or worse, keep us from doing the things we enjoy.  Case in point, Teresa and I went to a movie last year where the theatre had no ticket windows.  In their place stood an enormous kiosk for selecting movies and seats and only took credit or debit cards!  

And, if George refers to punitive to mean negative consequences, I can also see his point. As senior citizens we aren’t as adept, savy or incentivized to “keep up” and as confirmed by AI, there are more people scamming and more scams (especially geared towards seniors) than every before largely because of technology. It can be scary!

(Okay, time to move up a bit in that proverbial glass of water.)   So what can we do as senior citizens in a world that changes faster than we can comfortably adapt to and becomes more alien to us each day as new technology invades our lives?  If we bury our heads and label it negatively, I believe we limit the happiness of the time we have left.  But if we choose carefully and manage those new systems that are integral to our lives, I think we can see and feel that the benefits outweigh the challenges.  Here are some things we can do and I hope our readers can add to this list in the comment section of our blog:

• Use AARP as a resource for ideas, information about scams, and links to helpful information especially for seniors. 
• Use your children, grandchildren, friends, and neighbors for assistance.  They likely enjoy showing you what they know and you get to interact with them in a meaningful way.
• Ask AI – Use Siri, or Chrome or whatever browser you have about a question or concern you have.  It’s impressive how much information and assistance you can get in a very short period of time.
• Use YouTube to look up “how to.”  It’s amazing how many resources there are to see and hear a video about how to do something.
• If something electronic comes looking for you to buy – don’t!  
• Shop online with trusted companies
• Take courses on electronics or for seniors or about scams from your local adult ed programs.

“Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty.  Anyone who keeps learning stays young.  The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young.”  Henry Ford

There are many Septuagenarians who are continuing active lives that directly contribute to their fitness.  For them, not much has changed that physically taxes their bodies.  As a result, their muscles, bones, mobility, flexibility, and stamina may not be what they once were, but they are still robust and functioning effectively.  However, for those of us who stopped or significantly reduced our work, relaxed into a more casual and less physical lifestyle, the activities that once fueled our fitness are likely less frequent, less strenuous, and possibly gone.  Yes, while more time to play pickle ball, golf, and walking are embraced by some, there are generally less hours per day that we are moving.  In my opinion, this has only contributed to the aging of my body.

When I was younger and working full time, effectiveness was paramount but efficiency was the route to getting more done in a shorter time.  If I could carry all of the items from my car to the kitchen, why make two trips?  If I could park close to the store, I’d save time walking from my car to the door and have more time to do all those things that needed to get done.  However, as an older man I now realize that I have more time and less things to get done.  What I do need to do is to attend to my fitness and health.  What was once efficient and effective may no longer be effective…for me.

So, given the fact that I am noticing declining strength, stamina, and flexibility despite the fact that I’m relatively active for my age, I have begun to notice daily activities that can further contribute to my well being simply by making a few changes in my environment and in my behavior.  The following are some of these adaptations that work for me.  I would love to know what others you may have that I could incorporate into my routines.

• When working in the garden, bringing in groceries, or moving items from one place to another, be less efficient.  Take items one or two at a time and make as many trips as possible to increase your step count for the day.  This includes parking as far away from the storefront as you are comfortable with.
• Place items you use daily (like pills for instance) in a cabinet or shelf that requires you to stretch!  (Up or down)  Alternate arms each day to increase your flexibility.
• When carrying items, consider them as weights and pump them up and down as you are walking.  (Wear a hoodie or make sure your neighbors aren’t watching while doing this!) 
• When I make or receive a phone call, I stand and begin walking around my house or yard.  One time I recorded an almost 2 mile phone call!
• Alternatively, when on the phone, get up and practice standing on one leg at a time.  (This way, if you fall, you can get immediate help from the person on the other end of the call!)
• Actually, I just thought of another phone call health activity that I haven’t tried but will be sure to do.  Leave a 5 or 10 pound weight in a place accessible to you when you are on the phone.  Then you can alternate hands while walking and talking while you pump iron! (Of course if you’re like me and can only concentrate on one thing at a time, you’ll likely have no idea who you talked to or what you said after you hang up.  Either that or you’ll crash into a chair or trip over the dog…ugh!)  Author’s note:  I am not responsible for any damage or injury caused by following these suggestions.  These are done entirely at your own risk.

I’m excited to hear of any you have come up with!

“I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.”

-Phyllis Diller

You Got To Move It, Move It!

Hen poses the challenge of maximizing opportunities for healthy activity now that we are sliding into the eighties. Good thoughts! You know, I actually feel as though I’m more active now than during my working years. That’s because my occupational life was spent at a computer workstation and on endless telephone or video meetings. When not at work, a good portion of my time was devoted to commuting fairly long distances or waiting in airports. In between, Linda and I sandwiched in child rearing, chores, and more active pursuits. 

My pursuits are less intense than they used to be, but I scurry around a lot during the day – I hate to sit still. My new health tracker routinely repots 7-13k daily steps, without any particular intent to do so. I’m learning what sharks and King Julien (Madagascar, the movie) already know – you’ve got to move it. Sitting is the enemy.

I don’t have any exercise hacks to report. I believe that it is important for older folks (or anyone) to focus on aerobics, strength training, and flexibility. Weekly tennis or pickleball provides some aerobics, although I need to find more opportunities like that, outside of jogging or planned walking (Sorry, I still need to have a real purpose or destination in order to walk). 

But aerobic activity is only part of the equation. One of the real issues for seniors is avoiding physical frailty. I believe that weight training is critical to maintain functional musculature and balance. I work out with free weights every other day: nothing special or impressive — five-to-ten-minute upper-body routines followed by five minutes on the stationary bike. It’s a longstanding habit. My goal is not to gain strength, but rather to ward off precipitous loss in tone. Flexibility is a real shortcoming for me – I need to improve my attention to stretching. I tried chair yoga and felt better,  but I’m too impatient to follow the discipline. 

Clearly, I’m no role model. I still have a weight issue and it is easy to lose commitment when a meeting or social engagement gets in the way. However, I see that consistency is really important. We can’t control our environment, but we can control our choices, especially when unforeseen events impede physical maintenance.  For example, injuries can hamper a routine. Last year, a wrist injury and a damaged shoulder prevented certain weight training activity. For the first time in many years, I had to lighten weight, but increase reps for particular exercise. It brought home the need to keep doing what you’ve always done, because it is difficult to regain a capability, as we age. 

A flexible attitude works wonders. When I was younger, I really resented wasted steps and rework. Everything needed to be done efficiently. But just as Hen relates, now I see taking extra steps as an opportunity. In addition, I find myself grateful that I have the ability to pick something off the floor that I dropped; go back to the car for things I forgot and should have remembered; and work in a very serial fashion, rather than multi-task. After attending to some ageing friends, a real take-away is that we have to constantly reassess how we will accomplish the daily necessities of life as we age. Preparation today is key for independent living in the future. That thought reminds me that I need to move it, move it!

Mind Over Body

Hen and Wally stress the value of movement.  I know it, I believe it, I feel it, but I can’t always convince myself to do it.  One reason is arthritis! It hurts to move! Feet and hands are especially difficult for me to move at times!  It pisses me off.  As a younger version of me I could never sit still. I would run instead of walk, ride a bike instead of run, dance whenever the radio was playing and generally my body was always moving, wiggling, twisting rather than remaining still and motionless!  That’s how I kept slim. As a young father we would go roller skating, ride bikes, play tag, race the kids up the stairs to go to bed!  Watching TV was done while folding the laundry, cleaning the dishes, always multi tasking where one of the tasks was movement of one variety or another. But that was then!

Most of my life was spent in perpetual motion! Standing still was boring!  It was inconceivable to spend a night on the sofa in front of the tv!  But back then movement didn’t mean hurting! Being an elementary teacher meant moving all the time!   Running around the room to work with kids, doing projects on the floor, playing with the kids on the playground at recess, always moving.  And then after retirement from 35 years of teaching I owned a bed and breakfast in Vermont. Serving food, In and out of the kitchen, helping folks up to their rooms with suitcases, stripping beds, lugging soiled laundry two flights down to the basement, lugging clean laundry back up to the rooms. Lifting mattresses to make the beds, cleaning bathrooms and doing the same thing over and over again. It was routine, automatic, had to be done, thoughtless!

Then retirement came and Covid struck! People stopped doing things, stopped socializing and life became more sedentary.  No one socialized, you only went out when absolutely necessary and I started becoming stationary.  Not because I wanted to but because there was no one to do stuff with.  The couch became your assigned seat. Activity consisted of moving from the couch to the refrigerator and back again.  The long walk to the fridge did not make up for the snacking that occurred out of boredom!  And over time the mind adjusted to the inactivity and the body accepted the lack of mobility.  Which brings me to today.

I have to do the things Wally and Henry talk about. I have started walking when the heat isn’t intolerable. Each time I walk I try to extend the walk by a block or two. I walk around my neighborhood and am meeting new neighbors and other walkers.  When I go to a store I park in distant spots so that I have to hike to get in.  I walk through the aisles a couple times just to get more steps in. When I have doctor appointments I park around the block so that I have to walk a ways to get there and I climb the stairs instead of using the elevator.  I really try to make an effort to move!  And sometimes it hurts. But here’s the thing…..it isn’t my body that is fussing, it is my mind!  I am constantly fighting my mind.  It doesn’t want to send my body out on motion responsibilities. Why bother when the couch is so comfortable?  In this heat is it really worth the effort?  It will cool down later and I can go for a walk then unless it rains!  You get the picture!  Living alone I don’t have someone to debate these issues with!  My arguments for inactivity are weak, yet effective.  I try not to succumb to my immobile thoughts but sometimes they are so strong they simply overpower logic!  With 80 approaching very quickly I understand the consequences of inactivity but with age comes wisdom and I can often push that off to the side and  say what the heck, I want to finish this book!

These are difficult times in which we are living.  I was never very good at coping skills.  I am very good at expecting the worst to happen and then when it doesn’t I am pleasantly surprised.  During these times, however, I just can’t imagine what the worst could be.  The thought of even contemplating worst case scenarios, is a worst case scenario in and of itself.  But before I get too bogged down in the doom and gloom, let me write about why I am writing this.  I can’t even turn the tv on or listen to the radio without hearing the latest event that is going to cause me to develop heavy agita.  I know the solution to all of this grief is still a long way off and I have to be able to distract myself  in order to go about my day without being engulfed in the heaviness of the day.  Distraction is always one way, if only short lived, to allow normalcy to enter my brain and allow me to compartmentalize those ongoing fears.  I can actually build a wall around those fears, lock them in for a time while I let something in to lower the blood pressure and normalize my life.  I began for look for things that amuse me, interest me or just make me laugh.  Often times they are simple things, ordinary things around me every day that just make me feel good.  I began to realize it is the simple stupid little stuff that has the capability of making the boogie man disappear for a while.

Ever since I was a kid, my dad and I would go to this big nursery called Garden World on Francis Lewis Blvd in Flushing after Mass on Sundays.  There were probably 6 or 7 greenhouses, each one specializing in some kind of plant or flower.  We often went into New York City Sunday afternoons for dinner at my grandmother’s and Aunts’ apartment and dad would bring her flowers.  She had a favorite sitting spot in her kitchen by the widow with the fire escape and all her plants would be there on the window sill.  Her favorite plant was the coleus plant but she always called it a Saint Joseph’s Coat of all colors and I never knew it was a coleus til much later.  I guess that is why the coleus has always been my favorite plant and I make sure I fill my gardens with them even today, in every possible color combination that exists.  One day I was coming home from grocery shopping, opened the gate to my backyard, looked around at all my coleuses and petunias, and the colors and even the smell of the earth made me smile.  It immediately brought my grandmother to mind, which intensified the smile that was brewing inside waiting to burst out.  Between the colors of the coleus leaves, and the brightly colored petals of the petunia flowers I was surrounded by the simple distraction I needed to chill. To this day, every time I enter my backyard I get the same sensation I did that day and for a short time at least everything is ok with the world.  Simple and so beautiful, enough to change my mood completely.

It is the simplicity that makes it so spectacular!  Another simple stupid thing is when I enter my house, my dog is here to greet me.  He greets me with all the enthusiasm possible and even though I know deep in his canine heart he knows I will give him a treat, I still prefer to think he just loves me for the wonderful person I am.  The treat is offered after he sits down, looks up with his big puppy dog eyes, waits for me to tell him, “Gently!”  The process is not over, because he then follows me around the house, joins me in the bathroom before I go to sit down in front of our favorite TV show.  He waits for me to get comfortable on the sofa and then climbs up, plops his 60 pounds of muscle on my lap, waits for me to put me legs up on the coffee table so he can then rest his head on the comfortable ottoman created by my extended legs and falls to sleep.  Once again it is the simplicity of his confidence in me, knowing that he is safe and loved that puts a smile on my face and relieves much of the tension of the day.   These simple signs are easy to overlook and that’s why i called them stupid, but for me they are essential for me to make it through some of the most difficult days of which there are many lately.

I’m almost embarrassed to tell you about the next stupid thing that brings a smile to my face but it works every time.  I drive a 2018, 4 door Jeep Wrangler Sahara.  Best car i have ever owned. and I love driving it and being in it.  Jeep Wrangler drivers have always had a secret hand signal when you pass by another wrangler.  It is a simple two finger salute and it is done very casually, almost lackadaisically, some do it more enthusiastically than others but you can’t pass another jeep without the signal recognition.  One day, about 3 years ago, I was coming out of Home Depot, went to open the car door and this little rubber thing fell to the parking lot.  I bent over to pick it up and it was a little policeman rubber duck.  I thought it was odd but I put it on my dash board and drove off.  I started looking at passing jeeps more carefully and discovered a lot of them had rubber duckies on their dashes.  That made me smile in a perplexed way.  It was kind of silly to see  some of these heavily modified jeeps with an entire dash filled with all kinds of rubber duckies.  Little by little my dash began to fill up and I had the same reaction everytime I got to my car and there was a little fireman rubber ducky or ghost rubber ducky.  Just seeing it there perched on my door handle made me laugh out loud. It was time for me to spread the wealth around and get some rubber duckies of my own to secretly hand out.  Anyway, another stupid little thing that aways brings a smile to my face.  I keep looking for other little things to distract me from the world of politics and craziness.  They pop up when I least expect them to.  Hope all of you have escape hatches too.

The Stories We Share

Geo puts forward the proposition that we all can use some respite from the constant flow of negative information headed our way regarding the state of the world. He looks for “stupid, little things” to cheer him up. It brings to mind a recent NY Times opinion piece about ‘bringing in your horizons’ when the data rodeo is just too distracting. In other words: focus on the small bits in front of you. Makes sense.

Geo and Hen are far better about being in the here and now than I am —  I seem to operate in the here and there. When things seem oppressive and out of my control, I tend to look for opportunities to impose structure – and it may not be in areas I find enjoyable. Rather it is the act of organizing that brings some peace. I guess I’m looking to gain predictability over some small part of existence.

But Geo is asking ‘What puts a smile on your face’ during dark times? That’s a harder question for me to answer.  For sure, joking with Hen and George puts a smile on my face – our conversations pursue many rabbits down many rabbit holes. I also smile when I receive a text from my grandson: his young discoveries are full of enthusiasm. It’s great to share his stories!

Well now, perhaps that is the answer: it is the stories we share that brings a smile? A friend has been journaling about his baseball tour through the middle of the country – his reports are light-hearted. What a cool trip! It’s a reminder that it isn’t the length of the runway that is most important – it’s the lift in your wings.

Linda and I recently attended a ‘Howl’, sponsored by Pubic Radio and the Adirondack Center for Writing. It was held in a local brewery on a Friday night. We did not know what to expect, but the ground rules are the following:

• A theme is set for the evening (in this case it was Kitchen Confidential)
• Attendees are invited to come up to the mic and relate a five-minute story on the theme
• There are no interruptions during the telling and time is kept by a monitor
• The winner is selected by two judges and proceeds to a regional Howl

So, our fellow narratologists arranged chairs around the podium, beers in hand. Nine stories were related to the audience, each an enjoyable listen. Two stood out for me. One story came from an English teacher who moonlights as a server. She made the point that restaurant kitchen lingo can improve a relationship. In her restaurant, the chef acknowledges every request with a standard reply: “Heard!” She wished her husband would respond in similar fashion!

The winner for the night, Sammy D., traveled nearly 100 miles to tell a story about a prison friendship which grew out of a common love for cooking. “Old Timer” and “Young Blood” rattled each other’s bars to impart news and secrets for making meals taste like “the streets”. Ground up Doritos played a meaningful part in the yarn.

The intimate setting for the story-telling dissipated any iota of anonymity. We focused on the people and their experiences: we brought in the horizons. Linda and I left with smiles.

Looking For a Few Good Smiles

George reminds me that recognizing opportunities that make us smile can transport us to another mindset, feeling, and/or mood rather quickly.  In his post, George talks about things that he comes upon that for him, releases his sense of daily agita and brings him to a place of calm.  This happens when occasionally someone leaves a duck on his Jeep, or he returns from an errand or social gathering and reenters his garden, or when he sits down and Devon waits for him to create his favorite lap space.  They appear to be fortunate events that may or may not occur throughout the course of his day.  And when they do, he smiles and reaps the benefit of their effect. 

This got me to thinking.  When fortune doesn’t “smile” upon us and provide the circumstances we’re programmed to smile at, is there nothing we can do but trust to luck or can we tap into this programming and improve our odds?

Several months ago, while we were walking Teresa asked me if I could see anything that resembled the shape of a heart along our route.  I wasn’t sure what she meant until she pointed out an area in a tree where the branches and leaves seemed to outline the shape of a heart.  The idea that we could “create” via our perspective, images that represented objects or thoughts or feelings if we simply focused our attention toward that end was intriguing.  She began to point out heart shapes to her granddaughters when they were together and over time, each of them would spontaneously shout out when they saw something that resembled a heart.  When they did they smiled, but they really broadened their grin when they saw the joy it brought to their Nonna!

Could this concept be the answer to my pervious question?  What if we set our intention each morning to find things throughout the day that make us smile?  They could be things that we find humorous, cute, heartwarming, or even mischievous.  Whatever would normally bring a smile to our face is fair game.  It only takes a bit of imagination, a heavy dose of determination, and a sprinkle of luck to laugh our way through any typical day.  I dare you to try!

PS  Yes, there are things that I don’t have to conjure up that force a smile on this old face:

– the way Duke rests his chin on the most uncomfortable looking places

– jumping in the pool last week and realizing the quiet around me was not the refreshing water but the shorting out of my hearing aids that I had forgotten to remove

– my grandson’s knack for relentless comedic humor

– the twinkle in my daughter’s eye when she catches me in a misspoken word or story

– remembering old stories

– the “eye hugs” I received at a silent retreat 

– helping others 

“There is always a reason to smile.  You just have to find it.” 

DE Philosopher DJ Kyos (Kyos Magupe)

Dear Readers,

We want to thank Diana, one of our followers, for submitting the following question to our blog:

“How does technology impact your life?  There is a stereotype of older adults that they don’t understand or are less capable of effectively using technology.  But I find seniors are just as likely as someone younger to own a smartphone, tablet, etc.”

Technology and This Old Guy

Diana’s question helped me to see how much I rely on modern day technology and why my daily screen usage is what I consider to be so high.

I have always been curious and interested in learning about the newest innovations that have the potential to affect my life.  As a result, I continue to use many of the latest technology tools on a daily basis.

For over ten years, I have been wearing hearing aids to enable me to pick up and better understand speech as well as the higher frequency sounds made by birds, running water, and children.  Three years ago I upgraded to a set that is connected to my iPhone via Bluetooth.  Since then I cannot only hear better but I can participate in phone conversations while my phone is in my pocket.  And while it looks like I’m talking with Duke as we walk through my neighborhood, I’m really on a phone call with a real human.  They also enable me to listen to texts without lifting a finger.

In addition, I use my phone for reading the news, weather reports, banking, online shopping, creating and viewing shopping lists, directions, calendar dates, email, investment accounts, photography, bird and plant identification, set my thermostat, open and close my garage door, pickle ball schedules and who will be playing at which courts, in-store shopping coupons, control of my TV and sound system, music, pre cooling or heating my car and having it pick me up from a parking space and driving me home with the full self driving function if I wish (yup, I have a Tesla). 

I often find that I don’t always remember all of the things I want to and I have found the “reminders” function on my phone to be an extremely helpful remedy.  Using my Apple watch or iPhone I simple ask Siri to remind me to do something at a certain time and it does.  For recurring events like taking out the garbage I can ask it to repeat weekly or any other interval of time to fit my needs.  And, when I’m on a walk or away from home, I can ask Siri to remind me of something “when I arrive at home.”  And she does!

Lately I’ve been using AI to help me with a number of things. I can better understand the news by asking questions about cultures, people, customs, or words that are used in a newscast but that I don’t understand.  I also found an exciting app called Gemini which is an interactive source for just about anything you wish to know or converse about.  Recently Google enhanced this tool by experimenting with Google AI Mode which takes the conversations to a deeper level.  I have used this to get ideas for blog posts as well as topics I am interested in.  For seniors who may find themselves spending more time alone than they prefer, this is another way to chat with an intelligent resource whose only purpose is to listen to you and respond accordingly. While it’s not the same as talking with a friend, it does offer a couple of advantages.  First, the information is an extraction of an extraordinary number of sources which is believed to be factual and not influenced by one person’s experiences or interpretation.  Second, it only answers your questions.  It doesn’t talk about itself or add stories that it finds interesting to it and not necessarily what you wanted to hear.

When I was a boy, I remember listening to my mom and my grandparents talk about the good old days and how all of the new fangled gismos and inventions weren’t really necessary or good for us.  It occurred to me that they likely resisted newer technology because they were more comfortable with what they knew and had used successfully for so long.  It was also easier to continue to do what they were used to than to make the time and effort to learn something new or possibly very different.  It was shortly after that I set a reminder to myself (way before Siri’s reminders were available) not to be that way when i grew older.  I’m sure there are some technologies I’ve chosen not to use because it’s not worth the effort but I’ve not doubt that if I wanted it badly enough, I could.

However, as much as I love using these present day devices, my deepest satisfactions come from being in nature and enjoying the sights and sounds and smells offered up without any need of the aforementioned technology. I think we all could use some “no screen” days once in a while, doing things in real time, untethered.

A Sober Look at Technology

What a great topic, Diana – thanks for sending it in!

So, when I read your comment, I was involved in the following:

• Checking Word Press on my phone
• Looking at the results of my smart ring regarding sleep, bp, and pulse rate
• Preparing to start a Zoom session for our church’s worship service to reach the homebound
• Completing a newsletter article for my woodworking club on Word and sending to the editor
• Checking the bank balance for the three woodworking club accounts and reconciling to QuickBooks

All the above would be laborious without technology. Yes, old folks can deal with those IT functions that make life easier. Certainly, we become practiced users if there is a direct benefit. Does that mean we understand how to consolidate three TV remotes? Of course not – that’s why we have kids! They say Delegation is a dish best served old (they do say that, right?). 

I’ve used AI to create logo’s I can burn into my woodturnings with my laser engraver, using Laser Grbl. Bottomline, if I want something bad enough, I’m going to have to learn it. But it may not  come that easily. For instance:

My health tracking smart ring has vagaries. Trying to get it to work with my new phone was a challenge. It stumped my oldest son, who is an IT professional. However, he did provide a clue which my youngest son used to figure out the problem. Which all circled back to my wife Linda’s fitness watch. It seems that she did not ‘pair’ her watch with her phone, since she simply reads the watch display.

Not so with the smart ring, which depends on the phone to display results. So, Bluetooth, being the powerful function that it is, allowed my phone to pick up her watch… and I paired it, thinking I was pairing my ring device. Easily fixed you say? Not so much, because I had downloaded the smart ring app which recognized Linda’s watch – and it wouldn’t switch to the ring – this app is seriously monogamous (which, I approve, but marital counseling was obviously indicated).

In order to get the ring to work, we had to uninstall and reinstall the ring app three times! And then pair Linda’s watch app with her phone, so we could eat breakfast and look at our own pulse rates. Finally, we re-paired the ring with my phone: Mirabile dictu! – it worked!

Now this ring is on the cheaper end of the fitness spectrum, so it comes with an attitude. It gives me data when it feels like it. Sometimes, the feedback is strange – my sleep cycle is divided into three categories: deep sleep, light sleep, and ‘sober’ — Sober? What is sleep sobriety? Perhaps the most important takeaway is that according to my ring, I’m sober for only an hour every night! Wow, good to know… In addition, it labels my sleep as “BAD” every night, whether I sleep for 4 hours or 9 hours. Maybe I’m not sober enough? Yet, I got the sucker to work! 

Obviously, there are many unanswered questions in the age of technology. Diana, I can only conclude that to survive in the information age, seniors should stay sober for at least an hour every day.

What the Hell Happened

Dear Diana,

Thank you so much for wanting to discuss technology!  I am one of those seniors you mention who is afraid of the new technology.  It is almost as if developing minds prior to 1980 are incapable of biologically and intellectually understanding what you have to do the minute you open your computer.  Just now, as I attempted to get to where I can respond to your comment, I was on the verge of throwing my keyboard out the window because it would not let me in to where I usually write my posts.  I didn’t do anything different than I usually do but it just decided it didn’t want to give in to my requests.  A younger generation, anyone younger than Baby Boomer, would know how to trouble shoot, and respond according to whatever signals the machine was giving to correct the problem.  My pounding on a key many times and rather heavily was not allowing my machine to respond appropriately to me.regardless how heavy or frequent my pounding was occurring!

But I digress.  I didn’t understand a lot of what Wally said about his watches, and rings and pairing them with Linda’s watches and rings……….Whatever happened to ordinary jewelry?  In my day, watches told time, it took quite an adjustment on my part when all of a sudden watches began telling you the date and day of the week!  What was that about? That is what nature and firemen calendars were for.  I have a collection of old watches that I never use anymore because a new device called a cell phone does that for me now.  I remember when rings were for friendship or engagements or just  for hand decorations and then we had to go and screw it up and now Wally checks his blood pressure through his ring?  What the hell is that about?  And if it is paired with Linda’s watch so whose blood pressure is it recording anyway. I am not sure I want people to know my blood pressure, heart rate, or who knows in the future it might know what your next thought is going to be.  Maybe when it is quiet and you are pissed at one of your friends and thinking about what they did to annoy you , perhaps their watch will go off warning them that you are thinking about them and what it was you did to piss them off.  

Now that I think about it, maybe I am just afraid of change.  I don’t like it  when something that I have come to do automatically changes to some new technology and I have to rethink how I have to respond.  For example, in high school back in the early 60’s I had typing class.  The keys on my typewriter keyboard were unlabeled so you had to learn where all the letters were by looking at a chart on the blackboard and we couldn’t look down at our own keyboards.  That was a very valuable class for I needed my typewriter all through college.  They taught you to double space after a period and before the first word in the following sentence. It made sense!  It was visual. It notified you of a change.  Perfect!  It was also accepted procedure to double space between paragraphs and to indent the first word 5 spaces so the reader realized your thought was moving on.  These things were logical, necessary, and helpful to the reader.  What the Hell  happened?  No double spaces anymore between sentences, no indenting new paragraphs, and most times no double line space between paragraphs.  What is this world coming to? Call me a technophobe!

Daylight savings time arrived and we had to move our clocks ahead one hour.  I was all prepared for this so the night before as I was heading to my bedroom through my kitchen I figured I should set the clocks ahead.  My microwave clock was so easy to adjust.  IT says “clock,” so I press the button and the time begins to flash.  Great,. I got this!  The hour is flashing so I move the hour flasher up one hour and then the minutes begin to flash and because they stay the same I just press the finish button and voila, it is done!  The new time is recorded and proudly proclaiming the new time.  Great.  Now right next door to my microwave is my oven and stove with the time display right there in full few. I have done this a dozen times.  I press the button for time and it takes me to how long do I want to cook the food I’m not preparing.  So,  I press it again and it wants to know how many minutes do I want the oven to heat up?  At this point I am talking to my stove telling it I just want to move the time one hour ahead.   Perhaps it is not responding to my raised voice and the familiar pounding on the button. Any how, I finally got the hour to move but the minutes stayed the same.  I decided it would simply self correct itself over night, but yeah, that never happened.  To this day, my oven and my microwave tell two different times, six minutes apart!  I surrendered.!  In the old days, you took the clock off the wall, turned it over and hand cranked the little dial to the correct hour, pulled the little nub up  and adjusted the minute hand and hung the damn thing back on the wall.  But technology is always changing, I get it! I just can’t keep up with it.  I own a cell phone, a computer, my car is full of computers, but I don’t have to like it!  I remember my dad always used to talk about the time when life was simpler and now I understand what he meant.

We three Old (and growing older!) Guys have decided that indeed, you can teach an old dog new tricks!  So, in the interest of refreshing our blog and continuing this adventure we began precisely 6 years ago, we are inviting you, our readers, to engage with us more actively so that we might bring you an even more meaningful experience.

Beginning with this post, we encourage you to let us know what’s on your mind.  What questions, suggestions, or issues do you have that you would like us to respond to in our blog?  We promise to review each of your questions and comments before we select one that we will reply to.  Each of us comes with a different approach, background, and lifetime of experiences and look forward to giving our readers our best advice, thoughts, and suggestions from our own unique perspectives.

We look forward to changing up our approach and to the potential of engaging more with our followers.  You can submit your queries in the comment section at the end of this blog.  We will be sure to let you know that we have received it and if we expect to use it for an upcoming post.

Gratefully, 

Hen, Wal, and Geo